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by MaggieMae on 06 December 2009 - 00:12
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your sweetie says, 'Let's go upstairs And make love,' and you answer, 'Pick one; I can't do both!'
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
Going bra-less pulls all the wrinkles out of your face.
'OLD' IS WHEN.....
You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
'OLD' IS WHEN..
'Getting a little action' means you don't need to take any fiber today.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
'Getting lucky' means you find your car in the parking lot.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
An 'all nighter' means not getting up to use the bathroom.
'OLD' IS WHEN...
You are not sure if these are facts or jokes?
by Red Sable on 06 December 2009 - 00:12
by yellowrose of Texas on 06 December 2009 - 01:12
TEN DOG PEEVES.......
1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny... not funny at all !!!
2. Yelling at me for barking.. I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG, YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out.
Exactly whose walk is this anyway?
4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know
why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog!
Whoooo Hoooooooo what a proud moment for the top of
the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip," then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back!
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. Dog sweaters. Hello???, Haven't you noticed the fur?
10. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both
know the truth, you're just jealous.
Now lay off me on some of these thing's, We both know who's
boss here!!! You don't see me picking up your poop do you???
pics won't post
by Bob-O on 06 December 2009 - 03:12
Clem was normally very quiet; but the whiskey loosened his tongue a bit. He finally spoke and asked his friend "Zeb, if ah went to you-ins house while you-ins was at work one day and knocked up yer ol' lady; would that make us kin?" Zeb said "Naw, ah don't think so, but ah'm not sure." "But, it would make us even."
Best Regards,
Bob-O
by DebiSue on 06 December 2009 - 03:12
They each took a seat and the father began asking him the normal "what are your intentions with my daughter" questions. The young man squirmed not because of the questioning but because he had eaten chili earlier that day. The minutes ticked by and he realized he wasn't going to escape this interrogation without passing gas.
Just as he felt he couldn't hold back any longer an old dog waddled into the parlor and laid down next to him. At that moment the young man passed gas.
"Duke!" the father chastised and the young man relaxed. Knowing the old man would blame the dog he decided to let loose with another fart.
"Duke!!" the old man bellowed. Rather pleased that he could release the pent up fumes without censor to himself the young man decided to really let it all go and so let an obnoxiously loud fart pass.
"Dammit Duke" the father yelled. Get over here before the SOB shits on you!"
by yellowrose of Texas on 06 December 2009 - 05:12
by Bob-O on 06 December 2009 - 07:12
"Absolutely not!" the young woman shouted. So, the dashingly handsome young man finished university and went on to a very successful career. He eventually owned a fabulous home; wore very nice clothes; drove expensive sports cars; enjoyed fine wines and dining, travelled the world and was romantically involved with many beautiful women. And he farted as often as he pleased and never was never once scolded by his wife for doing so. The end.
Best Regards,
Bob-O
by MaggieMae on 06 December 2009 - 16:12
Jose Cuervo Christmas Cookies
1 cup of water
1 tsp baking soda
1 cup of sugar
1 tsp salt
1 cup of brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 cup nuts
2 cups of dried fruit
1 bottle Jose Cuervo Tequila
Sample the Cuervo to check quality. Take a large bowl, check the Cuervo again, to be sure it is of the highest quality,
pour one level cup and drink.
Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl.
Add one peastoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point it's best to make sure the Cuervo is still ok, try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy.
Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the frigging fruit off the floor. Mix on the turner.
If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaters just pry it loose with a drewscriver. Sample the Cuervo to check for tonsisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt, or something. Who geeves a s....t. Check the Jose Cuervo. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find.
Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner.
Finally, throw the bowl through the window, finish the Cose Juervo and make sure to put the stove in the wishdasher.
Cherry Mistmas !
by RatPackKing on 06 December 2009 - 17:12
In what White House spokesman Robert Gibbs called “the most significant military decision ever,” President Obama simultaneously announced the deployment of 30,000 new troops to Afghanistan and their subsequent withdrawal date of 2011, a tactic insiders are calling “The Verge.”
Gibbs explained the moniker.
“As we kicked around names for this new Afghan initiative,” he said, “we knew we needed something that accurately captured the brilliant dichotomy of build-up and withdrawal, of charge and retreat. And we knew it would be particularly kick-ass if it rhymed with ‘Surge.’ So we are calling it “The Verge.”
Gibbs went on to note: “A multitude of factors come into play when making this kind of decision, factors based not on the painfully outdated notion of ‘realities on the ground’, but on the much more complicated and subtle interplay among human dignity and environmental decency, allocation of political capital, and polling of likely voters.”
by Ibrahim on 06 December 2009 - 18:12
"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.”
The florist is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop, there is a thank you card and a dozen roses waiting at his door.
A policeman goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies:
"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.”
The cop is happy and leaves the shop. The next morning the barber goes to open his shop; there is a thank you card and a dozen donuts waiting at his door.
A Jordanian software engineer goes for a haircut and he also goes to pay the barber after the cut. But the barber replies:
"I am sorry. I cannot accept money from you. I am doing community service.”
The Jordanian software engineer is happy and leaves. The next morning when the barber goes to open his shop……..
Guess what he finds there?
Can you guess?
Do you know the answer yet?
Come on,
Think like a Jordanian.......!!!
A dozen Jordanians waiting for a free haircut!!!!
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